An answering and refusing

One of my favorite prayer books is by Walter Brueggemann, "Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth." (My Concert Choir buddies are probably laughing right now thinking about how many of his prayers I used for devos last year...!) I have been reading and rereading one of the prayers about God calling us and the paradox (they're everywhere!) of our answering.

We confess you to be the God who calls,
who wills,
who summons,
who has concrete intentions
for your creation,
and addresses human agents
who do your will.
We imagine ourselves called by you...
Yet a strange lot:
called but cowardly;
obedient but self-indulgent,
devoted to you, but otherwise preoccupied.
In our strange mix an answering and refusing,
We give thanks for your call.
We pray this day,
for ourselves, fresh vision;
for our friends, great courages,
for those who search for you
in places more dangerous than ours,
deep freedom.
As we seek to answer your call, may we be haunted
by your large purposes,
We pray in the name of the utterly called Jesus. Amen.

Colorado

I spent the past three weeks at Mission Training International's SPLICE program in Colorado. A few days after returning, I still struggle to adequately sum up my experience there. I learned about God, about myself, and about entering and adapting to a new culture and the stressors it brings. I meditated on the truths that God is God, God is good, and God is faithful. I learned that insulating myself, not allowing myself to feel the pain of life, also means I won't feel the joy of life. I learned to talk about my life and my feelings as a "pair of ducks" (paradox) - a "yay" duck and a "yuck" duck. It is normal to feel extreme joys and extreme sorrows simultaneously, and both are truth. I practiced remembering my joys and thanking God. I spent time outside hiking, playing with kids, and roasting s'mores. I made amazing, lifelong friends who are preparing to go all over the world to serve God, friends who challenged me, loved me, encouraged me, and made me feel normal! What a blessing it was to spend three weeks with fellow missionaries who understand the joys and struggles of this life! I found a roommate for my time in the DR - God provides! I feel refreshed, uplifted, and equipped to begin life in the Dominican Republic. I can't imagine being on this journey without the training SPLICE provides.

On "The Rock" with my wonderful Growth Group!

I am at home in Quakertown until September 12th, when I leave for language school in Guatemala. I will be in Guatemala for 6 weeks and go straight to the DR October 24. Language school at the Christian Spanish Academy is 6 hours of one-on-one tutoring, 5 days a week. I will live with a Guatemalan host family. Two other Kids Alive missionaries will be there at the same time, so hopefully we can explore the country together a little!

Please keep praying for me in this time of transition. Praise be to God, who gives us all that we need and loves us abundantly!

New Friends, New Songs, Same God

I have (finally!) started my journey toward the Dominican Republic! I am in Colorado until August 21 at MTI, learning about myself, about God, and about leaving my culture to enter another. I see over and over the ways that God has provided and continues to provide for me and for the other people here at MTI as we all are raising support and preparing for a new life.

A big blessing and surprise was that most of the staff of Makarios International, another Christian nonprofit that works in Montellano, is here at MTI with me! I get to make 10 new friends that will become my neighbors and friends and support structure in the DR - praise God! That is a great reminder that God really does go before me and prepare the way for me.

This summer has not been the easiest for my family. Well, that's sort of an understatement - it has been rough. I have been meditating on a passage of Scripture the past few weeks that has become a rock and an inspiration for me - Habakkuk 3:17-19:

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."

Wow. Habakkuk was in a really terrible place, everything was going wrong, and still he said YET I will REJOICE in the Lord. This has been my prayer, that I will choose to rejoice in the Lord despite the hardships in my life.

Last night I was feeling a little overwhelmed by life, and one of my new friends noticed and asked me how I was doing. After listening to me vent a little, she told me she had a song for me to hear, and she played it for me. This new song is one of those songs you listen to and cling to when everything in your world is changing and upside down and confusing and - oh wait, sounds like I'm talking about getting ready to be a missionary! I know this post is a little long already, but I really want to share the lyrics with you:

I Have to Believe by Rita Springer

I have to believe that He sees my darkness
I have to believe that He knows my pain
I have to lift up my hands to worship
Worship His name

I have to declare that He is my refuge
I have to deny that I am alone
I have to lift up my eyes to the mountains
It's where my help comes from

He said that He's forever faithful
He said that He's forever true
He said that He can move mountains
And if He can move mountains
He can move my mountain
He can move Your mountain too

I have to stand tall when the wind blows me over
I have to stand strong when I'm weak and afraid
I have to grab hold, hold of the garments
Garments of praise

I have to sing praise when the hour is midnight
He unlocks the chains that bind up my soul
My sin and my shame, He has forgiven, and made me whole

I have to believe