So. I have not written in nearly two months. I would like to use the excuse that I have been too busy, but since graduation on May 10, I haven't done much! I have enjoyed spending time with my family, reading some good books (most recently, "Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's", by John Robison), and getting ready for Katy's wedding. I also reorganized and cleaned (almost) my bedroom, packing up things I won't need for a while, like sweaters, scarves, and school supplies - instead of a Hope Chest, I have a Hope Rubbermaid! Molly graduates from high school on June 15, and June 17 I leave for a wonderful week in Wheaton spending time with friends and celebrating the marriages of two of my best friends.
I am discovering the difficulties of long-distance relationships. So far, I haven't come up with too many benefits except realizing how much people mean to me and how hard it is not to do life with my close friends every day... This summer will hopefully give me time to figure out long-distance communication, though, and it eases us into my time in the DR - for a few more months, I am still accessible by normal phones, have internet all the time, and can buy a plane ticket to visit people for $150 instead of $600...
I only have two numbers for you this time:
8 weeks from Sunday I leave for missionary training in Colorado
I have raised 60% of my total support - 80% of the one-time costs and 55% of the monthly costs
I will go to Colorado (I think) regardless of what my support status is at that time, but I can't buy a plane ticket to Guatemala for language school until I have 90% of my support. My goal right now is to leave for Guatemala on September 5.
Please continue to pray for me. First, you can pray for my time of preparation this summer. I need to think seriously about logistics like banking and packing, but I also need to spend time preparing spiritually and emotionally, which I sometimes forget. Second, you can pray that the rest of my support comes in (and if you haven't yet, you can support me...) and that I will trust God in this situation. Third, you can pray for my relationships with my friends from Wheaton, that we would learn how to keep them strong and growing in this time of being apart. Finally, as strange as it may sound, pray that I will keep myself involved in music-making, both classical and nonclassical, this summer and when I move to the DR. I do not want to lose that part of me.
Something I have discovered about myself this summer is that I do not often pray using my own words. I love using prayer books, praying Psalms, and using worship songs as prayer, but I seldom actually talk with God. This also means I don't always do much listening. I am trying to change that, to talk to God like I talk to people, and to sit and listen more. At the recommendation of a friend, I am reading Madeleine L'Engle's "Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art," and I was struck by what she wrote about praying:
"Before I can listen to God in prayer, I must fumble through the prayers of words, of willful demands, the prayers of childish 'Gimmes,' of 'Help mes,' of 'I want....' Until I tell God what I want, I have no way of knowing whether or not I truly want it. Unless I ask God for something, I do not know whether or not it is something for which I ought to ask, and I cannot add, 'But if this is not your will for me, then your will is what I want, not mine.'
The prayers of words cannot be eliminated. And I must pray them daily, whether I feel like praying or not. Otherwise, when God has something to say to me, I will not know how to listen."
This post has been a little jumbled - I apologize, but in a way it reflects my life right now. I am in a strange waiting period, not only for myself but also for my family, as Molly leaves for a year in the DR July 18 and Katy starts grad school in August. Without a structured schedule, my days and time get a little jumbled too.
