renaissance.

renaissance: a renewal of life, vigor, interest, etc.; rebirth; revival

Thanks to God hitting me over the head with truth from friends, my devotional book, and my pastor over the past two weeks, I have come to some serious realizations.  The last few months, I have been living life passively.  I was not taking hold of the abundant life God continued to offer me.  I was using my circumstances as an excuse and playing the victim.  Yes, losing my roommate and many friends was hard, but where was my joy?  Was my joy really that wrapped up in those relationships?  What about being completely satisfied in the Lord?  What about "the joy of the Lord is your strength"?  I realized I was sitting around waiting for someone or something else to fill the space and time that the people who moved back to the States had left empty.  I wasn't taking initiative to build new relationships or to do things that were healthy and fulfilling for me.  I was putting unrealistic expectations on the people who are physically present with me.

Wow.  Those were some hard thoughts to come to terms with.

As always, however, God is faithful, and he didn't just convict me.  My mind spun for four entire days - raced at about 10 million words a minute - and then, last Friday morning, spun itself out.  My thoughts stopped, and my mind and heart were overwhelmed with God's presence, joy, and peace.  I felt a surge of energy - not just physical, but emotional energy, too.  God suddenly gave me the desire to initiate new relationships and try new activities.  I claimed my wholeness in Christ and my fulfillment in him.  And, as cliche as it sounds, I have lived differently over the past week.  I've done some things that we don't usually do here (like going to an international food festival), but more than that, I've gone through my normal, day-to-day activities with a new perspective.

The best way I can describe it is to say that I feel like I got my life back in me.  A renewal of life.  A renaissance.  And for that, I am grateful.

I want to share some quotes from my devotional book, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young.  The daily devotions are written as if God were speaking to us - I often feel like they were written speaking directly and specifically to me!

When your energy fails you, do not look inward and lament the lack you find there.  Look to Me and My sufficiency; rejoice in My radiant riches that are abundantly available to help you.

Your future is in My hands; I release it to you day by day, moment by moment... I want you to live this day abundantly, seeing all there is to see, doing all there is to do... Each day of life is a glorious gift, but so few people know how to live within the confines of today.  Much of their energy for abundant living spills over the time line into tomorrow's worries or past regrets.  Their remaining energy is sufficient only for limping through the day, not for living it to the full.